i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
