Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
