i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
