I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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