How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
