I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
