Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
