I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize