my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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