yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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