i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
