Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
