i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
