party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I tried to get the guy I like to âspit shakeâ on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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