I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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