i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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