You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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