oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
