the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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