I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I am puke
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
