hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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