I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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