idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
