why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize