To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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