Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
