Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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