so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
