I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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