I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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