I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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