btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
