Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
