I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
