So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
