I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
