Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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