Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
