I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
