it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
