just come out here and I will go home with you...
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
