I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
