I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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