There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
