My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
