I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
This house was built for laser tag.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize