I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I supernannyed him into submission
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize