I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
