It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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