the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
