I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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