sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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