girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
