Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
