Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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