Can i not drive my cunt home
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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