Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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