You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
