I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's rum buckets o'clock
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
