I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
