You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
