I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
