ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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