Your face is a jimmy john
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
