This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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