why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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