i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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