ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
