Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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