JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
