How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
