this beer tastes like vomit already
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
