Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I want her autograph on my taint
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
