know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
