U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Everclear isn't food dammit
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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