Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize