does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
