Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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