I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He did a backflip because drugs
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
