I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
