Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize