its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
