If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The uberlube is also flammable
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
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