sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
