I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
