we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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