is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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