there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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