I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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