I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize