I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize